Race Status: Did Not Finish

Do you ever wake up, head full of thoughts that are much too early to be thinking? Stuck on a wheel – in a race you’ve finally realized you’re in. Finally asking, “What am I chasing?!”

Life can seem linear. We’ve been taught to think in binaries and lines and symmetry. Like we’re on a timeline with beginning and end points. We’re told with effort and hard work we can hit sought after milestones on this start to finish line. Formation by institutions, societal norms, family upbringing, and more, all lead to bought-in expectations we cling to – or are bound to us. Our western societal hierarchies encourage us from the time of infancy to compete, to be the best of the best, to win the race. Anything less is to be cast aside, labeled “lazy”, “unsuccessful”, and a myriad of other undesirables. We could delve into research, opinions, and sociological perspectives on the capitalism, ableism, racism and white supremacy that underpin the framework of this rat race, but the point for now is this:

I’m running a race that’s worth losing.

I don’t want to win this race. My body is screaming with every step. I’m finally listening to its breathless sighs of, “Let me DNF. Let me exit. Let me lose.”

It’s a lifelong journey to unlearn and reject the pull to compete, compare, and conquer when it’s what we’ve been formed in. But that’s not how I want to live. The only thing this rat race succeeds in is destruction. Destruction of self, of others, of our physical world, too. Working my ass off to get the money, the success, the “purpose”,  and the status supposedly derived from my “position”, has never equated to happiness, acceptance, or wholeness. There is value in security in this world. Safety and security provide a foundation to build from. Being housed; being fed; having money to provide for the basic necessaries of life – these things give us options. But hear me when I say: if I stay in this fast lane, I will suffocate. If I keep running this neverending race, I will die of capitalism. I want to die with happiness, instead.

It’s time for a new picture – a non-linear one. A freely roaming one. A breathing in and out; an ebb and flow; a redefining of success and rhythm. A joining with others to build something better.

So, goodbye to the rat race. Let me lose, so I can win the life I’m craving, instead.

Exit stage left.