Nine Months Ago

Nine months ago, I opened my eyes and noticed the first hint of morning light escaping around the edge of the blackout curtain. I shivered as my naked toes stretched beyond the duvet and I sighed to myself, “Another day; another dollar.”

My workday included the usual chaos – a blend of laughter, heart-ache, quick decisions and adapting to the flux that is inpatient care. I scurried from office to office, making plans with therapists for the patients on my Off-Service Neuro caseload. I clocked thousands of steps as I busted my butt across the huge hospital site to meet those in need of a Neuro-Rehab eye. The last visit of my day was with a patient I would discharge from Physiotherapy services. Unfortunately, all efforts to help them regain functional mobility had proven unsuccessful. The unit was on outbreak for COVID-19, so every patient was met with contact & droplet precautions at minimum. Donned fully in my personal protective equipment, I arrived to their room for the least satisfying part of my job. I spent ten minutes reviewing the plan and providing the program of exercises they could do independently in addition to their daily care routine. I held their hand as I reviewed the always-difficult-to-hear decision: we wouldn’t be continuing active rehabilitation. I wouldn’t be returning to strategize transfers to/from their wheelchair. I wouldn’t be returning to practice sitting balance or to further discuss options for next steps. Their body was in direct conflict with their fierce determination to regain independence. With watery eyes and forced smiles, we said our thank-yous, our well-wishes and our goodbyes.

Twenty four hours later, I learned from an OT colleague that the patient had since tested positive for COVID-19. What a way to get kicked when you’re already down. I wasn’t concerned for myself – I donned and doffed my PPE appropriately and was on the unit for less than 30 minutes. I did everything in my control to protect myself from the possibility of exposure, short of using an N95 mask. N95s are saved for patients undergoing aerosol generating medical procedures. Standard non-AGMP protocol here in Canada remains as contact & droplet precautions: a surgical mask, eye protection, isolation gown and gloves. The message that COVID-19 is not airborne stands, for now. I followed protocol to the letter and as recommended by Infection Prevention & Control. Upon hearing of their positive swab my immediate concern wasn’t for myself but for the patient – I just hoped they would pull through.

In the days that followed, I didn’t hear any updates on the patient’s status. They were no longer under my care and it wasn’t my business to know. In fact, I have never again heard about that patient. I continued on with my usual work and life through the next five days. It was after a busy, short-staffed Monday that saw the arrival of warm chinook winds, that I took some Tylenol and went to bed with a headache. The dull chinook-headache remained as I went back to work the following morning, but I had a bounce in my step. I was eager to get through my shift since I was getting my first dose of COVID-19 vaccine the next day! What a privilege and a relief! I was glad to get protection from the deadly, disabling COVID-19 virus. I was eager to protect myself and also my patients, colleagues, family and community. As per my routine, I hit the ground running around the hospital site seeing patients and collaborating with colleagues. But by lunchtime my head was screaming with pain – this headache was a doozy. I heated up my lunch and sat at my desk. Maybe some food, rest and meds would ease the throbbing. As I chewed my first bite, chills and aches began coursing through my body. Hoping it was from my headache, but not wanting to take chances in our pandemic reality and small office space, I left and found a distanced corner in a hallway to eat lunch. Thirty minutes later, I was worse. I needed to go home. I trudged dejectedly back to my office blinking back tears of frustration. I told a colleague, “I just want to get my vaccine. I’m so close. Why does this have to happen today?!” I gathered my things, wiped down my desk and left. As I passed another colleague in the hallway, I said, “I’ll be back as soon as I can! Hopefully I won’t be away more than a couple days!” We were short-staffed again. I knew my absence would impact the team and our patients. I also knew that it was worth the trouble of being cautious. I went straight home and isolated. I went for drive-thru testing. I waited for my test results. And the next morning, a text message rolled in:

URGENT COVID-19 Test Result: Alyssa Erin is POSITIVE for COVID-19

My breath caught in my chest and my jaw dropped. I yelled upstairs to my spouse, “I’m positive! I have COVID!” He ran downstairs – “What?! No way!” I immediately called my manager and my office. I put on a mask and began cleaning every high-touch surface in our home. I cleaned the kitchen and our ensuite bathroom. I stripped our bed and moved into the spare room and bath. Throughout the morning, I dealt with an onslaught of phone calls from Workplace Health & Safety, management, my family doctor and others. By the afternoon, I collapsed into our spare bed with worsening symptoms and exhaustion. I finally had a minute to process what had happened. On the day I was scheduled to receive my first dose of vaccine, I tested positive for COVID-19, instead.

It’s now nine months later and I haven’t recovered. I am living with Long COVID and there’s no end in sight.