The Frontlines of “What is” – Part Two: The Undoing

Today, I feel sick.

It happens often so I’m kind of used to it. Usually, I even find pride in my ability to push through when I can barely think, let alone do and be and connect and care and do and Do and DO. I have to be cautious with this game, though. While I may be rundown, the little overachiever robot running my brain doesn’t often rest. I’m unwell so I’m not good enough today, the robot says. I might not cook, or clean or tidy. I might not exercise. I might sleep too much. I won’t make the phone call or pay the bill. I won’t get outside. I might not achieve. I might not do. So it’s one day lost and if I’m not doing, then I’m undoing, and that is not good enough.

It’s hard not to do. So many of us define ourselves by the achievements we get to keep for awhile, after we’ve “done”. That’s partly why not doing can be hard. If I’m not doing, achieving and competing, then who am I in this capitalist world? It can feel like I’m losing the race. But, isn’t it a race I want to lose, anyway? I might as well embrace not doing and just take care, instead.

Whoever said I had to do all the time, constantly, unrelentingly and make it the purpose of my life? Other than institutions, societal norms, my entire educational experience, every workplace I’ve ever been in, my upbringing, my peers… Now, not doing can be not good, too. Many of us need to create, and build and do. But often we take the fun and the rest and the connection out of it, don’t we? We sure kill ourselves with all the achievement we’re busy doing – whether it be for money, status, power, being liked, feeling accomplished, or rising to what’s “expected”. The good thing is, it is possible to resurrect ourselves – especially when held by supportive community. After we do ourselves in with achievement and over-doing, we can learn to do differently.

So while I don’t like being taken out of the race unwillingly, it reminds me of the gift in being forced to stop doing. Rest and refocus and new perspective and revitalization and recharging, and so many more possibilities when I exit the race. Then, I can listen.

I can be. I can feel. I can reflect. I can connect. I can see. I can breathe.

It’s a rebellious act, you know, to say, “No, thank you. That’s enough, for now.” and be undone instead.

Join the rebellion every once in awhile, won’t you?