Happy Canada Day! So, leave talk of racism for another day, right? Well, oppression doesn’t take a day off. Today is the perfect day to reflect! Today is a perfect day to consider how I, and the groups I am a part of, continue to perpetuate oppression. Today is a perfect day to listen. And I’ve been sitting on this one for awhile. We all travel the journey to anti-racism imperfectly. Allow me to share what I’ve learned on the journey. Maybe I can help you avoid common pitfalls – some of which I’ve found myself in, too.

In only half-a-day, I’ve done a week’s worth of processing and learning. So, here is this morning’s experience of the mind for your reading pleasure.

Do you ever feel the pressure to be contained? To be calm, cool, collected, poised? Let’s get more real. Real-er, if you will. I often perceive expectations on me that add up to equal pressure to the N-th. They aren’t imagined, either.

If you grew up in the 90s like me, you might remember Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. What made me love the story and portrayal of Belle the most, was her fascination with story telling and books. It was a language my young self understood innately. I loved our tiny village library around the corner from my house. And I loved that immense, cartoon castle library from Beauty and the Beast just as much.

Today, I feel sick. It happens often so I’m kind of used to it. Usually, I even find pride in my ability to push through when I can barely think, let alone do and be and connect and care and do and Do and DO. I have to be cautious with this game, though. While I may be rundown, the little overachiever robot running my brain doesn’t often rest.

The other day, I had a difficult conversation with someone in a deeply vulnerable position. It was heavy. In my work, it’s a daily experience to quietly be present with people in their grief and loss. Sometimes I even have streaks of wisdom and comforting words to share. It can be intense, but I have also learned how to be in that space with people. This one caught me off guard, though.

The Mad Hatter: “Have I gone mad?” Alice: “I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.” I find myself interesting, if not a little bothersome on occasion – do you relate? While I’m learning to love myself more, it’s not so simple. I both love and loathe my mind – all at once and intertwined. It’s quite easy to find myself quite interesting, but also be quite irritated by what goes on behind these telling eyes. Do you relate?

Today, I found $20 at the park. It was a good day. It was just laying there, blending in with the green grass, waiting for me. When I picked it up and noticed there wasn’t a soul around to claim it, I knew it was mine to enjoy. On I continued with my plan for the day, save for an added bounce in my step. I sat at the park, doing city park things – stuffing my face, people watching, reading and shooing birds away – until I started in on my favourite pasttime: thinking. What do I need with a $20 bill?