a perpetual voyage
i have been returning to myself for as long as i can remember in the early years
Budding Abolitionist
My heart wants out of my chest Though they taught me long ago to imprison it,
How We Keep Surviving
I have survived too many hard things in this life. It’s not fair and some days are too hard. Allowing myself to feel that doesn’t make this a pity party, but I often wonder how I keep on surviving this world that tries to kill me (especially one unapologetically killing chronically ill and disabled people in a pandemic.) I keep on surviving because of privilege and luck, and also the ways I never fully abandoned who I am. I could never fully conform to external expectations.
Don’t Quit Your Daydream
The day job is gone. Daydreams remain fill its place, with this space dreaming renewed. Quitting is needed some times, of some ways – quit denying your self, your needs but do not quit your daydreams. The day job is deadly. The daydream breathes life. Living with chronic illnesses that have fatigue components does not mean I am suddenly great at sleeping and napping. In fact, I find napping in the middle of the day really difficult and usually I don’t even try. That’s partly because fatigue does not mean sleepiness – those are two very different things. Occasionally, though, fatigue and sleepiness do line up. Today is one of…
Creating on Crip time
Keeping up with writing, or any form of creativity, can be really challenging when you live with chronic illness. For me, fatigue and cognitive dysfunction are common barriers to doing what I’d like to or planned to do on any given day. But adapting and learning to live well with these symptoms also means I can let them point me in a new direction. A way that is less perfectionist and excellence focused; less consistency dominated; and operates on disabled/Crip timelines, instead. Simply put: it’s about access! Adjusting to living with acquired illness and disability means adjusting how I view my needs and limits. And also how I define success.…
Living the Dream
The air is sticky and humid, the ground rain-soaked and muddy. I careen down a hillside on my mountain bike, applying brakes where needed, splashing through shallow puddles, avoiding sheer drops off trail edges. I kick out dirt behind and beside me as I twist, skid, and jump. My face and hands are mud-speckled; my clothes, splattered; my bike frame, gleefully muck-sprayed from head to tail. I slow my pace to a halt as my friends catch up. We gulp water, wipe sweat, laugh and rib each other. They’re impressed with my thrill-seeking on this trail they know well. It’s my first time, but I ride with abandon. I always…
Haiku series: Sick and Tired
I’m going slowly. You beg, “Speed up!”, but I know what you don’t. Exhale.
20 Ways to Observe an Illness/Disability Anniversary
The anniversary of a life-changing illness – like a major loss or traumatic experience – is remembered by our bodies even if we would rather forget. Finding ways to honour these dates can help process grief and other tough emotions that arise around them. It can also help us consider what supports we need. And it is an opportunity to celebrate that we have survived.
few words
but listen to their voices their words, the cries for liberation, humanity,
What I Want
I want to water my garden and pick raspberries and laugh heartily with the ones I love until my face and sides hurt, my cheeks wet with tears of joy