What Can I Say? (for Papa)

Words?
They’re tough to catch.
They swirl around, elusive to my grasp.
Too hard to hold but then they catch
in my throat
And I can’t speak.

To define, to describe
is too much for my mind.
Can’t speak,
but the waves of emotion & memories that
come and go, up and down,
They define what you mean to me.

I climb among peaks and linger in valleys
of memories, mine and yours to hold.
I sway to the music of your laughter,
held near to my heart’s ear, I still hear you.
Though you’ve drifted now,
I dive down to the unspoken depths of who you are – all quiet intensity of love and care
that doesn’t require language of words to share
Yet, here I speak
Because your heart saw mine.

I skip from picture to picture
of moments, now frozen in time.
I rewind,
revisit, reclaim
All that you were to me,
With some pain, yes,
But with gratefulness
And now, to you I address – Papa.

Not just my grandpa
But a man who held my heart
tenderly, loyally, affectionately.

Papa – with love for silly, and outdoors, and committed creativity.
You taught me to build.
Out of lumber and seed, with toiling and waiting and observing and trusting.
And then you taught me to build the best things
Out of love.

As I sift through what you mean to me
Words aren’t enough and I can’t speak
Except to say I’m missing you.
While my heart may now be heavy,
you showed me how to make it light.
This is what I take from you to me,
Your legacy:
Open arms and light heart,
Until the end, and from the start